


Dyed White

by gyuyeye



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Jean called Levi a shrimp, M/M, Oneshot, What Was I Thinking?, Winter, what else should I put here on tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-05-24
Packaged: 2020-03-13 20:07:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18947926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gyuyeye/pseuds/gyuyeye
Summary: The city is dyed white, as if there had been nothing from the beginning.It is also the same for Eren, it seemed like he chose to ignore what is really happening and it hurts Levi





	Dyed White

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my another attempt to write.  
> Maybe if I start writing oneshots again, I might actually be able to write chaptered ones again.
> 
> English is not my first language, please forgive me in advance.  
> Not edited as well.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy reading this! :D

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_The city is dyed white, as if there had been nothing from the beginning._

 

"Levi."

 

My head shot up upon hearing a familiar voice. I blinked my eyes open and my hand flew up to pinch the bridge of my nose, I suddenly felt dizzy since I suddenly woke up. Someone plopped down to the empty chair in my right. I glanced sideways and just raised an eyebrow at him.

 

"Why? Can't I sit here?"

 

"Tch." was the only reply I gave him. I automatically frowned as I noticed that the current page that I am writing on has a dog ear. I am supposed to be taking advantage of the serene ambiance of the library since this is a perfect place to study, but I ended up dozing off.

 

"Getting worked up because of a dog ear?" He rested his chin on his palm and I can feel that he is staring at me.

 

"I am not in the mood to fool around. If you don't have anything better to do, leave me the fuck alone." I picked up my glasses and wore them again. I can't remember when did I actually took them off. I picked up my pen and started to jot down notes. Filling up the current page, I glanced sideways and saw him resting his head on the table and he is facing the window. I felt the urge to run my fingers through his soft-looking brown locks but then dismissed the idea.

 

"I don't like winter." He muttered, just loud enough for me to hear.

 

I stopped writing midway and my chapped lips curved upwards a bit. I looked at the window and it was snowing outside.

 

"I knew you would say that." I whispered.

 

Half an hour passed, he grew bored. I can tell. He kept on fidgeting on his seat, like a kid being forbidden to leave his chair by his mother. I kept on sparing a glance at him since he is distracting me. He suddenly grabbed my notebook and my pen skidded across the page.

 

"What the actual fuck?!" I whisper-shouted at him. Now, my notes are messy and out of reach because the brat has the nerve to raise it up high. Screw his height, damn it. We are now acting like children and hurray! We got everyone's attention. He immediately gathered all my things and crammed them into my satchel bag. He grabbed my wrist and dragged me outside the library.

 

I kept on prying my wrist away but his grasp tightens so I eventually gave up. He was not saying a word. He is focused on half-walking and half-dragging me along with him. If looks could kill, he might be a cold corpse bathing in his own pool of blood right now. I hate it when he acts like this… like he is not doing anything…

 

"Brat! Let me go! YOU ARE EVEN TAKING WIDER STRIDES, YOU MORON."

 

He is not listening. I hate it when he does things the way he wants it. I hate it when he pretends that nothing has ever happened.

 

I was about to call his name, another attempt to get his attention, but the moment my brain formed the syllables of his name, it got jumbled that his name wouldn’t roll out from my tongue. It is as if I lost the ability to speak. An invisible lump formed in my throat, blocking the sounds that my voice box wanted to let go. I struggled to say his name, but it felt like I was choking. I placed my hand on my throat, tried to coax it but I still failed… to say his name… even just breathing his name out…

 

He stopped and I bumped into him. He turned around to face me and smiled, "Let's get some hot choco."

 

I finally freed my hand from his grip and also got back my satchel bag, "Drinks like hot chocolates are for brats.Get yourself one and stop bothering me."

 

"Levi, we are getting Hot Chocolate. How can you say no to me?"

 

I scoffed but then I froze on the spot as he stared at me intensely. I cannot exactly pinpoint if he is concerned or just loved to boss round, being the cheeky brat that he is. I looked away; I cannot afford to get lost in his emerald eyes. When our gazes met again, his eyes softened and now he is pulling up a kicked puppy look. I cursed through gritted teeth and heaved a sigh. I wrapped my scarf around my neck. He started walking towards the exit without checking if I am following him. He knew I would be walking behind him. Of course I would give in, especially he made that kind of face. Damn it.

 

We stopped by a vending machine just outside the building's entrance and he got himself a cup of hot chocolate. That stingy brat, I rolled my eyes inwardly. I am not a fan of that substance, I decided not to mind him. We carefully walked along the slippery sidewalk. I was taking small steps, I am afraid that I might slip. Perhaps he noticed what I am doing; he matched his steps with mine. We were wordlessly walking side by side. The city’s noise played on background, but it went like the two of us were warped into our own world. I watched his shadow as it fell over mine. We are one. No. We were never one.

 

I exhaled, puffs of air came out, it is getting colder. I clasped my hands and took three strides to keep up with him. He took a quick glance on my still clasped-together hands. He shook his head, showing slight annoyance. I just looked away and tried to keep my hands away from him.

 

“You are really stupid you know?”

 

I remained quiet. I just kept on rubbing my hands together as I kept my pace.

 

"Levi."

 

I ignored him and kept walking.

 

"Levi." He called out again and it sounded more stern.

 

I turned around and he was standing there, few steps behind me. I just stared blankly at him. He frowned and it just took him three long strides to stand in front of me.

 

“Is that how you are supposed to wear it?” He asked incredulously.

 

I blinked at him twice, not getting what the hell he is implying. A few seconds later, I noticed that he was looking at my scarf, hanging loosely around my collar. He pulled it snugly against my neck and wrapped it, tucking in the ends.

 

I muttered a small “thanks.” He moved his hands up to the side of my head and gently pinched the top of my ears.

 

“Not too bad.” He said rubbing them. He took off his beanie hat and made me wear it.

 

He also took off one of his gloves and slipped it on my left hand. He grabbed my other hand, intertwined his fingers with mine, and shoved it inside his coat pocket. I felt butterflies in my stomach, they were revolting, not the beautiful kind. I felt constricted, like my heart has been tied by a rope and gets squeezed as the rope was being pulled at both ends. He squeezed my hand and I looked up at him. He looked straight on the path and he was smiling.

 

Damn. I am so screwed. We are screwed. Definitely screwed.

 

Questions started brewing in my mind. And having his hand on mine is making things worse.

 

_He should not be doing this. He should really not, but why is he like this?_

 

_What the hell is going on? I should have known, but it impossibly possible to know._

 

This is messed up. Indeed it is.

 

I should have seen this coming. I should have paid attention. I should have control over everything but I am not a supreme being who has the power to weave each person's destiny.

 

"Levi."

 

  
"Hmmmm. Eren?"

 

  
"I really hate winter."

 

  
I just nodded.

 

  
I was lost in thought. It was winter two years ago when everything went downhill. We were at a party. We were playing "paranoia" and then someone from the circle asked me a question. I just pointed at Eren. I got the coin and was about to toss it to see if the question that they asked me will be revealed or not. I tossed the coin and the head showed up, so the question was not revealed to everyone. I was actually relieved. I never wanted Eren to know that I have feelings for him. We are best friends. But, Lady Luck only stayed by my side for a very short time. Eren eventually knew what the question was because someone could not just shut their own mouth. Eren and I started to treat each other differently. I also started avoiding him.

 

"Eren, can you let go of my hand?"

 

He stared straight ahead. He is again pretending that he cannot hear me.

 

"Eren, will you stop?" I pleaded and my voice cracked. The sick feeling of guilt weighed down on me. My eyes felt tight and tears started to pool on the corners.

 

“This is still one-sided…” I muttered.

 

I knew he heard but he kept silent. I pried my hand out of his pocket and stood in front of him. He looked at me accusingly as if I said something wrong.

 

“Do you know why I hate winter?” He asked, shattering the silence that enveloped us. He did not wait for me to ask why. “It is when you became nearly distant to me. And is half of the reason why is because of me. I hate it when you distance yourself from but when you are within reach, all I can do is hurt you.”

 

“Make up your mind! Better yet, just let me go…”

 

He did not answer.

 

“But you have him…” I whispered and tears rolled down on my cheeks. "You selfish brat! You cannot have everything!"

 

Both of us were consumed by silence. Neither of us spoke, We were still walking side by side. Our interlocked hands are still shoved inside his coat pocket.

 

"Eren! There you are!"

 

We turned our heads at the same time to the direction where the voice came. Recognizing the one who called out, I squeezed his hand and he reluctantly let go.

 

"I didn't know that you are with this shrimp. You've missed calls and text messages from me."

 

"I am sorry, Jean. I had my phone in silent mode since we were in the library earlier." Eren flicked Jean's forehead. "His name is Levi. Do not call him shrimp, horseface."

 

"Ouch! What was that for?!" Jean complained but then locked his arm on Eren's. "We'll spend Christmas together, right?"

 

"Of course we will." Eren replied.

 

"Eren and I will go ahead now. See ya around, Levi!"

 

I watched the two of them walked side by side. Eren was checking his phone while that shitty horseface was talking animatedly. The nerve of that guy, really. I felt heavier than usual. I averted my gaze away from and looked up. Snow started to fall gently. Ah, today’s Christmas Eve, I suddenly recalled.

 

_“I really hate winter.”_ His voice replayed in my head.

 

I started walking in the opposite direction. I felt my phone buzzed inside my coat pocket. I fished it out and wiped the screen to unlock the device. I tapped on the notification bubble.

 

> _From: Bright Eyes_   
>  _Advance Happy Birthday, Levi. I wish I could spend the day with you._ _It's the first time that we won't celebrate it together. I am truly sorry._

 

  
"Fuck everything," I muttered.

  
_The city is dyed white, as if there had been nothing until the end…_

 

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End file.
